I finally got a job! It wasn't exactly easy walking into a pharmacy and ask for a part time job like *that*. I went to 14 pharmacies overall and was so desperate at some point I was considering going to Frankston, which is just about a million miles from where I live now. When I got hired on the spot it was quite anticlimatic. After all the work and getting rejected every single time, when the pharmacist asked me to start on thursday the first thing I said was, 'ohh for real?' Never mind. It's not like I'm complaining getting hired. I have uni from 8:30 to 5 and work from 5:30 to 9 on thursdays. After my very first day I realised I have been growing up in a greenhouse all my life. I was so tired I fell asleep the second I hit the bed. It was a very emotionally draining day. I was practically shaking on the way to the pharmacy. I've heard so much about my boss - how mean he is, how he yells at people and how he drags you to the back of the dispensary and swears at you. To be fair he was nice to me on my first day, but I did hear him told off the pharmacist lady in front of everyone. I felt bad for her at that time, not so much the next day though because she was acting all diva-like when I asked her questions. So there I was. Sorting scripts, giving out medications, stocks.. that sums up what I had to do. It was very overwhelming especially when my boss was standing right next to me quizzing me about stuff and watching my every move. I felt dumb. I look at a jar of glucosamine and I had absolutely no idea what it's for. Everyone else knew exactly what they were doing, and I couldn't even find the shelf I was supposed to put stocks on. It wasn't too bad all in all. It could've gone worse, and I'm glad I got my first day out of the way. It can only get better from now on yeh. I don't know if it's stress, or my lack of goals in my life or something else that makes me feel so blah lately. Everything sounds so good on paper. Dating, having a job, the list goes on and on. When it actually happens though, all your nice little bubbles in your head burst. One by one. Maybe it's because you have this preformed idea of how it should be like, and you expect the reality to match your fantasy. You get disappointed when it doesn't happen. When you fantasise about something you always leave out the not so good bits. I don't know where I'm going with this, but all I know is that the excitement of certain things in my head does not translate well in the reality. The light that I used to work towards.. the direction of my life is gone. A bit melodramtic there but yeh.. everything feels like a dull routine. I don't want to be disinterested in everything when I'm only 20. This thought scares me. We have an extra unit this semester and having six subjects doesn't really help my cortisol level. I can't help it. I worry too much. I stress too much. I feel guilty not doing any studies because I know for a fact that if I don't do anything now this time next month I'll be so stressed I will end up having an emotional breakdown. Yet I'm still here doing nothing. Facebook, football news, msn, piano.. Any excuse to procrastinate will do. I whine a lot. My below average english proficiency. My flabby body. My uni work. I know I should stop just thinking about it and physically do something. I want to be more relaxed and care free and just let things go. I'm trying really hard to achieve that and it's working. albeit slowly. VERY slowly. I have so many unorganised thoughts in my head I can't really rationalise them and put them all on here. and I really have to sleep otherwise I won't get through Clinical tomorrow. I swear he is the worst lecturer I've ever had. I miss Phil Bergen. Ignorance is bliss. Debatable, but at this very moment, to me, it's very true. I doubt many people if at all will read up to this point, but if you do you probably know at the end of the day, I'm quite happy with my life. Just a random vent, it's all good. | 
